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I hear the name and BAMMO -- the song starts rocking through my mind (I just can't help myself). When I heard about this posture for the very first time, I laughed. Surely it was a joke, right? Then I stopped thinking and started doing. I realized it wasn't a joke but an exhilirating leap into the unknown.
Camatkarasana (for those of you who like the Sanskrit...or for those of you who tend to giggle when hearing the name Wild Thing) is an opening posture that essentially flips Downward Dog, leaving you feeling invigorated. I can still remember the first time I attempted it. I found myself wondering whether or not my hand would support myself and whether my body would actually twist that way. My heart accelerated while my mind wondered, "Can I do this?" It's been said that this pose symbolizes a celebration of personal power and freedom. At the time I was a little short on both, so I guess my fear was not surprising.
Then there's the other translation of Camatkarasana: the ecstatic unfolding of the enraptured heart. I'm on better footing with my personal power and freedom so nowadays I heartily -- no pun intended -- relate to this translation. Yes, my heart still beats faster when I come into the pose...but it's more about excitement and open-heartedness. It's funny how something that seems so very scary at one point in time seems like an exciting opportunity later on.
In fact, it was a series of exciting opportunities that have gotten me to where I am today. At the time the actions seemed big, almost Herculean and just a wee bit scary. But just like in Camatkarasana, I grounded and stretched only to find myself exactly where I wanted to be -- wide open. Yes, Wild Thing, you make my heart sing.
So in the spirit of the ecstatic unfolding of the enraptured heart and leaping into the unknown, I revisit Wild Thing Pose. Join me, won't you?
And on the topic of opening, I have two more goodies:
--If you'd like to embody Camatkarasana, join The Love Tribe and vow to open hearts no matter what by visiting the the Love Master, Sal Annunziato, on Facebook. He'll send you a Love Tribe band so you'll always remember to be open and wild.
--Laughter also opens the heart (and is good for the nervous system), so check out The Laughter Project. It asks the following questions: Why do you enjoy laughing? What is the funniest moment in your life? What will always make you laugh, even in the face of adversity?
And here's a little solo Laughter Yoga to get you going:
I had a serious blast from the past the other day as I recounted a period of my life when a lot was going on. As I retold the events to my friend, I realized how my life back then resembled a soap opera (haven't watched one of those since the 80s but I do remember the over-the-top so as to be laughable drama). So much so that it was only in recounting that time period did I realize how truly crazy things were, how crazy I was. I couldn't see it then -- the running from one thing to another without consciousness, the jumping into something before even getting out of what came before, the high of the drama of it all rather than slowing down and getting in touch with how I was actually feeling about my actions, my life, my relationships, myself (if I had slowed down, I would have realized that I wasn't feeling very good about any of it).
It reminded me of what I used to say my friend during that time period: "I just need a minute." Ironic how that was my mantra back then even though I never actually did take a minute. Oh, no, it was non-stop drama for me, one unconscious action after the next after the next. By the end of that time in my life, I was left with my head spinning, wondering, "Whoa, what just happened?!?!" I can tell you what didn't happen: I didn't give myself space to simply be and feel what was going on. I guess you could say that back then space felt boring, like admitting some sort of defeat. And, more importantly, space felt empty, which can be scary.
Have you ever had that experience -- the one where you automatically parrot back the phrase "I love you" when it's said to you even though you're not quite sure you really love the person you're saying it to (I KNOW this has gotten some of you in trouble at one point in your life, yeah?)? Or perhaps you've jumped from one relationship to the next without any time to decompress/evaluate/take responsibility and improve in between? Or you've loaded up your schedule with all sorts of busy action items because you want to avoid feeling something? Or you've packed your social calendar so that you never have to spend a quiet moment alone? Yeah, we've all been there. It reminds me of what so many of us do when confronted with a crying person -- rather than let the person feel those intense emotions, we rush to make it all better and often blurt, "Don't cry. It's okay." I'd rather be the person crying than that person I was in continuous motion/denial helping me keep my feelings at bay.
Recently, my friend and I were chatting about something we learned about a mutual friend -- this person got divorced from a partner of 13 years only to get re-married approximately 3 months later. My initial reaction to that news was similar to the message I was trying to give to myself during that hectic time of my life: "Whoa, take a minute!" My friend called the quickie re-marriage "a cry for help." Perhaps (or perhaps a boon for divorce lawyers???). While, I would never recommend that any recently divorced person to get married within the first few months, I think it's a fairly common occurrence. Suffice to say, I'm reeeeaaaaally grateful that I didn't go so unconscious as to get married during that time of my life.
Which brings me to what my friend and I love to say these days: "When nothing is happening, everything is happening." Oh, so true. These days I get my excitement from taking that minute and giving myself the space devoid of the drama and the continuous action. Let me tell you that I'm so far from bored it's laughable. You see, the space is where the good stuff is...and by good, I mean intense.
My yoga practice is the same way -- a mix of flow and holds. I like flow and sometimes my natural tendency is flow right on through my practice, leaving very little space for me to feel anything. Since I'm a fan of balancing things out, I add static postures into my practice because they go against my natural inclination (file this under: sometimes what you want isn't always what you need). That way I have flow but I also have the space to really get into my body and feel what's happening with me on any given day.
It would be an understatement to say that I never want to relive that chaotic time in my life again. I'm going to actually take that minute, hang out, breathe it all in, and act from a conscious place.
Anybody with me on allowing for space? Here's a little reading that's meant to be done s-l-o-w-l-y. Take that space that notice what feelings the word evokes. Then do the same on your mat. And then in your life.
One more thing since we're on the topic of clearing clutter. Starting tomorrow (April 23) Deva Premal and Miten are hosting a 21-day journey exploring mantra. Each day you'll receive a new mantra, along with its meaning, an audio of it being chanted and a meditation on the mantra's energetic quality. It's free to participate. Click here to learn more and/or sign up. I don't know about you, but this seems like a kinder, friendlier version of Spring Cleaning -- no blood, sweat and tears involved.
This time of year always brings up memories of my mom running around the house like a Tasmanian Devil carrying out this ritual she called Spring Cleaning. There was cleaning involved, changing of the curtains and bed spreads, and lots of blood, sweat, and tears (okay, perhaps I'm exaggerating a bit -- I don't remember any blood). Interestingly enough, I did not inherit this Spring Cleaning gene. Until this year, that is...
Despite the fact that I recently moved (and I had thrown out/donated a lot of stuff then), I found myself feeling a desperate need to clear things out. Two contractor bags later, I felt lighter and happier. Slowly but surely, I'm making my way through the house asking myself the all-important question "Do I really need this?"
An interesting question, for sure. Is it need or want or merely habit or comfort? I wonder the very same things when I sit on my meditation cushion each morning and thoughts churn round and round in my head. Do I need it or want it or is it a habit that I hide behind? It's funny how my answer to that question has always included justification. For a time I even asked myself that question in regards to my yoga practice. There were times the answer was that I was using my practice to hide. It was a way for me to convince myself that I was being open hearted because of my focus on "spirituality" and my inner world.
Sometimes it's a little of all of it -- needs, wants, comfort. In regards to determining if something needed to be cleared, I started drawing the line based on how I feel. I did this with a person not too long ago. I liked this person. A lot. I felt connected to him. I found comfort in him. Despite all of this, I didn't feel good about the relationship. Something just didn't feel right. I spent a lot of time justifying why the relationship was good for me, why I should work on it, why it needed to be in my life. But there was this lingering unease. My feelings were affecting the relationship and I ended up hurting this person, which was something that I never wanted to do. As much as I wanted to hold on, I realized that I needed to let it go. Or maybe it was that I needed to let it go more than I needed to hold on.
I realize that clearing isn't something that should only be done each Spring -- it needs to be done continuing. It reminds me of pruning, and the picture of Karate Kid's Mr. Miyagi trimming his bonsai. In order for it to grow, you must continually trim it. Hmmmm...guess I've got some growth on the way because I'm trimming things down over here and not just things in my physical space -- I'm clearing out thoughts, beliefs, and people as well.
It feels good to lighten the load and feel the revival of Spring.
"...I dare you to move I dare you to move I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor I dare you to move I dare you to move Like today never happened Today never happened before
Welcome to the fallout Welcome to resistance The tension is here Tension is here Between who you are and who you could be Between how it is and how it should be
Maybe redemption has stories to tell Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go? Salvation is here…"
--excerpted from Dare You To Move, Switchfoot
Yesterday evening a Summer-esque storm blew in. Although the sky looked fierce everything around it seemed peaceful, almost serene. There was a stillness in the air despite the fact that a slight warm breeze blew. The relfection of the clouds on the lake looked stunning (it almost looked as if I were looking down at the clouds from above), challenging me to look away. I couldn't. I stood out on the deck taking it all in feeling the delightful tug of duality -- calm and chaos, flow and resistance, love and fear.
This morning while practicing I realized that I've gotten a bit too comfortable on my mat. My movements are fluid, my body moving from muscle memory, my breathing deep and smooth. It's what one would call a "good" day on the mat. The truth is that I'm hiding.
I'm not really feeling all that much, which is the whole point. What lurks underneath is fear. Fear that I don't want to feel. I want to ignore its existence and rest in the comfort of my typical yoga practice.
Of course this is akin to shutting off your thoughts in meditation -- an impossible feat. The idea isn't to cease all thoughts -- it's to change the quality of the thoughts through awareness. Same goes with my fear -- the goal shouldn't be to shut it off altogether but to turn down the volume. Of course when you deny that there's fear static in the background, you don't even realize that there's a volume to adjust. As the song says above, "welcome to resistance." Or should I say denial?
I decided to change tack and added an 11-minute Kundalini Yoga Kriya to the end of my practice. There was a point during the Kriya when I got uncomfortable. My leg fell asleep. A lot of sensation came up. My brain jumped right in with labeling it pain. I created a story about what was going on and how I needed to stop. I attempted to zone out and think of other things rather than feel. BINGO -- just to show that the adage "how you do one thing is how you do everything," is true, it became clear that I've been doing the every same thing in my life.
It's such an ingrained pattern (I've been doing it pretty much all my life) that I often don't even realize I'm doing it. Yes, all the yoga an meditation in the world won't magically banish all of your unconscious habits/I'm-in-denial-mode patterns. The good news is that I caught myself and called myself out on it this time around. Rather than pump myself up with a "feel the fear and do it anyway" pep talk, I decided to go with a simple approach -- I just felt it. I felt the sensation during the Kriya and felt it and felt it and felt it until the 11 minutes was up.
Then I sat on my meditation cushion and felt the fear that I've been avoiding for the past few weeks. It felt like standing on the deck last night -- peaceful, exciting, foreboding, stunning in its beauty. Hmmmm...not bad, right? Yes, there's joy in that comfortable yoga practice (or, in my case, my denial of what I'm feeling about the changes in my life right now) but there's also an exhilaration in feeling the scary stuff. There's transformation on the other side of a yoga practice that challenges you and brings out all of your unconscious patterns.
So, since I'm calling myself out on all that's going on with me, I'm going to do the same for you -- where are you too comfortable? What lengths to you go to to keep yourself comfortable and how do you avoid discomfort?
Here's a little challenge to shake it up in your body (without hurting yourself, of course). Try one or all of these mini practices:
--Try this Kundalini Kriya -- Liberation Kriya -- which lasts for 9 minutes in total. Notice what happens.
--Break out a timer and set it for 5 minutes (you might want to start with 3 minutes and work your way up to 5). Come into Pigeon Pose. After 5 minutes on one side lay on your stomach and windshield wipe your legs for about 30 secons before hanging out in Pigeon on the other side for another 5 minutes.
--Choose a song that holds some strong memories for you. Pick whichever one seems to call to you in this moment. Sit on your meditation cushion while the song plays and let whatever wants to come up come. [I did this after my yoga practice today and loved how perfect the song I chose was for what's going on with me right now -- perfection!]
Feel. Notice. Welcome any resistance and/or discomfort. And remember: "Where can you run to escape from yourself? Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go? Salvation is here…
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals, it dies of illness and wounds, it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”
--Anais Nin
Relationships make up and fill our lives. We have relationships with friends. We have a relationship to our job. We have relationships with our family members. We have romantic relationships. We have a relationship with ourselves. We have a relationship with our spiritual practice. We have a relationship with our pets. Yes, oh yes, relationships play a big part in our lives. Speaking from experience, I have sacrficed some of the above for others. I have been sloppy with some and staunchy committed to others. I have been surface with some. I have gone the distance with some while I've let others go.
Recently, someone very dear to me and I have been discussing relationship and the nature of relationship. It all started with the quote above and this video about commitment [Disclaimer: this is the first time I've ever even heard of T.D. Jakes, so I have no opinion about him whatsoever. I have no idea about his body of work -- I am merely evaluating this one talk he presented. I will admit to laughing about the profuse sweating and all of the yelling but I'm not gonna judge. Passion is not a bad thing.]. As does just about everyone out there (I don't want to speak for everyone in the world, of course), my friend and I have some "failed" relationships between us. I use the quotes because I sometimes think we let ourselves off the proverbial hook by blaming others (whether it's other people, places, circumstances, or things) on our relationships not working out. It's like a get out of jail free card. [Disclaimer number 2: There's never a never and never an always, so I'm not saying this applies to every person/relationship. Stow the hating, please.]
I think Jakes and Nin have it right -- relationships don't just wither on the vine. If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone throw up their hands and say in their best bewildered tone, "I just don't know what happened to the relationship. I guess it wasn't meant to be." REALLY, asks the yogi with her eyebrow cocked skeptically. Is that really true? Poof -- your partner, who you kept prioritizing below your job, left you? Shocking (yes, the eyebrow is still cocked.). Your dog, who you chain up in the backyard and never take walks with has shown aggression towards you? Shocking (eyebrow just notched up a bit higher). Your yoga practice, which gets relegated behind TV, extra time in the morning to get your fancy coffee brew, laundry, work, and anything else that needs to get done in a day, falls away to the point that your mat is covered with a fine layer of dust? Shocking (I'm not even going to mention the eyebrow, for you already get the idea). Your body, which you fill with junk food, starve, or overstuff is breaking down? Shocking.
I could go on and on here. I know, I know, you read the above and your first instinct is to say, "Yes, but..." I Your situation is different, right? There are extenuating circumstances, right? You have reasons for all of those things (believe me, I know -- I've got the reasons myself).
Here's disclaimer number 3, dear blog readers, I am not writing this as the persecutor, for I have done/still do the same myself (if you missed it, I said that my friend and I both have a number of "failed" relationships between us). The truth is, I have an Inner Whiner who whines loudly and often. Sometimes she'd rather complain about rather than feed her relationships. Like Anais Nin says, whatever I'm whining about isn't just something that happens outside of my control like the weather -- it's because I'm not replenishing the relationship that I have with it. Hard to hear, yes, but true (of course my Inner Whiner has a laundry list of excuses as to why this is.).
During our discussion about relationship, my friend and I brought up two words: commitment and devotion. The Jakes video I mentioned above is all about commitment. It's a good message. Of course it tweaks my Inner Whiner because one of the definitions for commitment is obligation: "Oooohhhh, it feels like a big chore, a must do, a -- GASP -- obligation (that's a veeeery dirty word to my Inner Whiner). I can feel the ball and chain weighing me down." That's where devotion comes in. The words encompassed in that definition are profound dedication, earnest attachment, worship. Hmmmm...which one sounds more appealing to you? I can say that when I read those words associated with devotion, my inner whiner quiets down. Because, after all, if I deem something or someone important enough to have a relationship with, then isn't devotion a more appropriate fit?
Of course Jakes brings this up the whole idea of being committed only when we feel love. As we all know, feelings of love wax and wane. When in the waning period, does that mean we throw the commitment away? Do we cease to be devoted because suddenly we don't feel good enough about something or someone to dedicate ourselves to it/him/her?
When I first started practicing yoga, I loved it. Each morning I would be eager to get on my mat. If I was tight on time in the morning, I would give up evening plans to practice. Somewhere along the line, I found myself not loving it as much. The honeymoon period wore off (or, as my mom likes to say, "The bloom was off the rose."). I wasn't so enthused by Downward Dog. Yoga was no longer this exotic species that entranced me. Yoga was no longer the lover that had me enthralled 24/7 with enough juice to light the power grid. Instead, it became somewhat routine. That's when I had to recommit (or redevote, if you will) myself to my yoga practice. I studied the philosophy of yoga, I asked myself whether the style I was practicing suited me, and I questioned my love for the practice. Throughout it all, I continued to practice -- even on those days I didn't want to. That was I don't know how many years ago and I still practice just about every day. Hmmmmm...I can't say that I've exhibited the same devotion/commitment to other relationships in my life.
Today is known to be a day of renewal. It's officially Spring, after all. What a wonderful time to revaluate our relationships and question our commitment/devotion to them. I've been thinking about this all week. What's truly important to me? Who is truly important to me? Which relationships do I need to let die and which do I need to replenish? What are the ramifications of replenishing the relationships that I have chosen -- less time with other things/people, letting go of certain habits, prioritizing on a higher level.
As a yoga teacher, I get this a lot: "I used to practice yoga all the time, but then X, Y, and Z happened." And that's what this post is all about -- it's not about what's happening to you, as if it's out of your control. It's about what you're choosing. It's about what you're devoting yourself to. It's about you being actively engaged as opposed to playing the bewildered, clueless victim who is settling for things happening to them rather than choosing them.
After all, isn't that what relationship is -- a choice? You can choose to be in one or out of one. You can choose to throw one away or nourish it. You can choose to be present or absent. YOU. CAN. CHOOSE.
Namaste!
[I'd like to dedicate this post to E, who has taught me more about relationship than I ever thought possible. E, I choose you! Thanks for waiting patiently until I figured it out.]
Yes, I do the unthinkable in yoga -- I mix styles. My typical daily practice consists of my own personal practice (based on the style of Krishnamacharya). A few times per week (sometimes every day, depending on how I'm feeling) I'll also do an additional practice in an entirely different style. These past few weeks it's been Kundalini. Perhaps this makes me a rebel (or a yogi with ADHD). What I can say for sure is that it's a far cry from how rigidly I used to practice years ago (one style only regardless of what my body was saying).
Today I warmed up with my standard personal practice (it's been my go-to practice for quite a few years now) and then moved into a 15-minute Kundalini Kriya. An interesting thing happened about halfway into the Kriya -- my mind said quit...but my body wanted to keep going. I kept going and felt quite energized and joyful by the end of my practice. As usual (call me the philosophical yogi), I started thinking about how this very same thing happens off the mat.
A few years ago I had the reverse happen in my life -- my mind was saying stay but my body was saying go. My mind is quite savvy and it conjured up a compelling story for staying. The story was punctuated by fear and doubt. Yet everytime I stayed, I could feel the rigidity in my body. It felt like it was caving in on itself or perhaps rolling up in protective ball anticipating attack. I remember the final straw -- the day that I decided to listen to my body rather than my mind. I noticed that my breathing was shallow and that my mind was practically narrating what was happening (a very skewed version of the actual reality of what was happening). After breathing into it and stilling the whirlwind thoughts in my head I felt something indescribable really...almost like a puzzle piece clicking into place. It was a feeling of sureness, solidity. And it left me with the "I know what to do" feeling.
There was no looking back after that -- I listened to my body and removed myself from the situation. Not a day has gone by that I haven't rejoiced in that decision. Does that mean my mind has stopped its storytelling? Oh hell no! BUT, the feeling of rightness is stronger than the fear and doubt being pedaled by my mind. Sorry mind -- no takers here.
The thing about stories is that they are compelling. They are seductive. It's easy to get caught up in the story and to place yourself in the imaginary world that's been created. The thing about stories is that they are more often than not fiction. The villains are imaginary. The plot lines are rife with hyperbole. It should be easy to identify when we get caught up in the stories, yet truth seems to fly out the window while in the thick of things.
Same goes on the yoga mat, of course. Your mind is creating a story about the quality of your practice or it's creating drama around something in your life that has yet to happen or it's retelling a story from the past. We get so stuck in the story that we lose what's happening in the present moment -- feeling tightness and going to far into a pose, not making an adjustment in a pose that would take us deeper, or maybe sitting it out in Child's Pose because our mind is telling us it's time to quit.
My mind is a tall tale teller and is often veeery busy making stuff up. The simple solution for me is to tune into sensation. Are my muscles on lockdown? Is my breathing shallow or deep, fast or slow? Do I feel heat or tingling or spaciousness? This is how I cut through the nonsense and figure out whether I'm in story or sensation.
So what do you listen to -- your mind or your body? Are you steeped in story or sensation? What quits first -- your body or your mind? Who is your master?
Today I knew that it was okay for me to continue on with my kriya. There have been days when my mind wants to push on while my body is screaming at me to stop and rest. My practice has become discerning what is talking to me and choosing what to listen to.
Before I started practicing yoga regularly, I wasn't all that attuned to my body. I knew it was there, sure, but tapping into body sensation wasn't something I did on a regular basis (luckily I know -- and do -- better now). Through the years I've learned that I use body tension to protect myself from feeling physical or emotional pain. My poor muscles go on lockdown in an attempt to protect myself. While I appreciate my body trying to protect me and all, it ends up causing chronic tightness and, in the end, it uses a lot more energy (maintaining all of that tension is exhausting) han just feeling the pain in the first place.
Today as I was transitioning from Downward Dog into Pigeon, I noticed that the side of my body that's often tight and feels intensity while getting into/hanging out in the pose felt more open. I had more ease settling into the pose and went deeper than usual. That's when I noticed that the rest of my body was relaxed as opposed to bracing for intensity (sometimes judged as pain). Yes, I could feel some gripping in the hip area, but, overall, the muscles in my body were loose.
Gee, it only took a decade to manage this little trick...Seriously, though, this idea of expending energy on bracing happens on the mat -- and off -- quite often. Don't take my word for it -- do a little energy check the next time you go into a pose that feels somewhat challenging for you or working closer to an edge. Do your muscles lock down or tense up? Are you doing more work than you need to in order to get into or stay in the pose? If so, notice how the extra effort affects your mental and emotional state. Is your practice depleting you or replenishing you?
Off the mat, I suppose you could call it resistance. These days I flow more easily than I used to (oh yes, I'm tapping into the feminine, baby!) but I certainly have my moments. I remember hitting some big resistance last year. I was in a situation that I could feel in my bones was not right for me. My body knew this but my brain rebelled. I had created a sweet little story about this situation and I was holding tight to it. I was like a two year old unwilling to let go of the toy (NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!). Rather than relax into what was inevitable, I muscled my way through it, holding on for dear life (can you say Pitbull deathgrip?!?!?!) when what I really needed to do was let go. I ended up exhausted. All of that holding on and mental justification and muscling to force myself into believing that a broken situation wasn't actually broken tired me out. It made me cranky. I was frustrated. I was tense. And I was angry at myself for bracing against some imagined monster. The truth was that letting the situation go was far less painful than holding on. Yes, the bracing was completely unnecessary. I didn't need to protect myself (except, perhaps, from my resistant self) -- I merely needed to feel and let go.
So, my friends, I ask you -- where are you holding on and giving your energy away needlessly, both in your yoga practice and in your life? Lifeforce is a terrible thing to waste, so don't do it! (I don't think I need to insert an emoticon here to let you know that I'm smiling as I type this.)
There's a time to do and there's a time to...not. As you can tell by my absence from blogland, I've been leaning towards the "not" side of things. Lately, I've been spending my time being and taking a deeper look at what I do when I'm doing. What I realized is that I need to start saying no to the majority of things that have been keeping me spinning round and round on the hamster wheel and say yes to things that fill me up. That's going to mean some tough cuts and in some cases, I'm going to be the "bad" guy (or girl, in this case...or perhaps bad yogi????).
This brings to mind a conversation I had with a friend of mine (who is aware of this post and is not offended by my outing him on the World Wide Web) a few months back. He had discovered a practice that was making him feel good and, as a side benefit, improved his romantic relationship. His life got busy (or should I say that he started to say yes to things that he admittedly thinks he should have said no to) and then his relationship ended. Still, he would identify himself as a practitioner.
I asked him the age old philosophy question -- if a tree falls down in the forrest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Same goes with practice -- if you call yourself a practitioner (of anything -- yoga, meditation, whatever) but don't practice, are you really a practitioner? I didn't want an answer -- I merely wanted him to consider it.
A few months later, he picked the practice back up again and then started a new romantic relationship. Interestingly enough, the same thing happened -- life got busy, the practice fell by the wayside, and the romantic relationship ended. Hmmmm...curious, no?
When we talked about this habitual phenomena, he summed it up as him spending time on the wrong things "as usual." I never judged his dropping of his practice and/or his time spent in busyness as a bad thing or wrong. Yet, his word choice is quite telling, I would say.
Lest you think I'm throwing my friend under the blog bus -- NO! I, too, struggle with where I put my time and what I say yes and no to. Sometimes I find myself in overdo mode and I have to bring myself back into balance. It's funny how our society doesn't promote this balance at all and instead praises doing over being.
Around a year ago, I got out of a serious relationship. I was greatly amused by the number of "you should get back out there and start dating" comments. It's the old "get back on the horse" mentality. After all, the man I was in relationship with did just that. Shouldn't I be doing whatever I can to catch up?
My response to that is, HELL NO! First of all, it's NOT a race. Second of all, there's nothing wrong with taking a little being time. During this time, I explored some different relationship options that I'd been thinking about, got clearer on what I want in a relationship, and realized that I need to make some changes myself in order to be the right partner for that type of relationship. Viola -- it's amazing the clarity that comes with a little being time. If I had jumped right into a relationship, I would never have learned what I have and frankly, I would have made the same mistakes I made in the past relationship.
I used to like the label "yoga practitioner." But what I like more than the label is the actual practice. I realize that the label doesn't benefit me (outside of giving me some nice street cred and a bright, shiny facade). And the practice done only when things aren't busy or hectic doesn't really amount to a practice. It's merely a sporadic thing that you do because you think it feels good or yields results.
I got this little message myself when I started meditating regularly last month (I'd been a sporadic meditator in the past). I, like my friend, meditated sporadically and felt the benefits. Yet, it was the first thing to go when time got tight. Yet, I looooved labeling myself as a meditator. Gee, ego much?
All those years when I looked at practice as something on the to do list, something that I needed to schedule, something that made me feel like a kid blowing off her homework if it wasn't done when in reality what it really is is a form of self love. Shelving self love is a sure sign that I'm out of balance on the doing vs. being scale.
So to honor being in a world where doing is prized and encouraged, I'm inviting you to be...and to ask yourself: what are you saying yes to and what are you saying no to? Are you loving and honoring yourself or are you doing yourself into oblivion? Here are a few tools to help you relax and be:
Soothing Sounds: If I'm feeling crazed during the day, I like to take a music break (sometimes I dance along with the music and sometimes I just sit and listen). Here are two lovely chants to slow you down and keep the peace, so to speak:
R&R: If you're looking for a yoga practice that will slow you down, click here for free downloads from Eoin Finn. Simply enter the word LOVE in the download code box and you'll find a restorative practice that will slow down your mind and comfort your body.
If you'd rather stick to your own practice, I recommend slooooowing it down. Hold each posture for a few breaths. Notice what happens when you practice at half speed.
"When it’s over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms."
--Mary Oliver
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, which means that I should be discussing all things love and romance. Perhaps I could blog about yoga postures for better sex. Or maybe I could talk about opening the lower chakras to allow the energy flow into the heart. Or maybe I could offer up some partner yoga asana. Not. Gonna. Do. It.
I heard somewhat of a love and romance killer while on the phone with my friend the other day. She said that a friend of hers who married her "soul mate" (the friend's words, not mine) admitted that she was unhappy in her marriage because she felt disconnected from her partner. When she finally admitted to a group of her girlfriends that the perfect appearance of her marriage was a facade and that she often felt disappointed, sad and alone, they responded by saying that the dirty little secret about marriage that no one tells you is that marriage can be lonely.
This led my friend and I into a deep discussion about love, expectation and responsibility. Needless to say, things got mighty interesting and a lot of cell phone minutes were used. We put so much emphasis on finding love, grasping at love and not really taking responsibility for loving ourselves and truly opening ourselves to love. I'm all about romance and all, but why limit yourself to defining love as romantic love when love is all around you if you only stop looking at it in a limited way?
Ironically, I found out first hand how much love there is in the world and inside of me when I exited a relationship. Yeah, that's right -- this isn't Cupid's Valentine's Day blog post. No, no -- I'm not dissing romantic love. I think it's fabulous. It's just not the source of it all. Tomorrow is the first time in a long time that I haven't been partnered on Valentine's Day and yet I feel anything but lonely, unlike my friend's married friend. It feels pretty darned amazing to be open to love in all of its forms rather than solely focused on the candlelight, sweet words, grand gestures, hand holding, flowers and candy, stuff corny movies are made of kind of love.
This Valentine's Day, I urge you to open your heart to yourself and the world not with grand expectations of romance but with the desire to simply be love. And for those of you who are wanting a themed post in honor of Valentine's Day, here are some goodies for you:
Isvara Pranidhana -- surrendering to the Divine is a whole other kind of love. Read this invitation to get into your heart in a whole new way.
A little music to call in your inner Isvara -- crank up this tune - Invoking the Beloved - and amp up your inner love with a little movement.
A Kundalini Yoga Inpsired Heart Opener -- the heart opening practice that I've been doing for the past month is inspired by this Kundalini kriya. Rather than use the mantra listed, I used one of my own: "I am connected to everyone and everything."
Self love -- and don't forget to love the most important one of all -- yourself. You can read more about it here, and you can practice along to a self love meditation here.
The sound of love -- personally, I like to add the chant AH to my yoga practice (throughout your asana practice, chant AHHHHHHHH on your exhales) when I want to "feel the love." Of course if you'd rather not chanting during your yoga practice, try singing along to this funny little diddy about AH.
Here's to love in all of its forms and love without limits and expectations (romantic or otherwise). And just so you know -- I love you all, dear readers!
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